Nohe: Words of wisdom for the Class of 2024

Thirty years ago, I graduated from high school. My school days were pretty low-tech; the sound of the dot-matrix printer quietly screeching as it went line by line on spooled pin-driven paper was about as sophisticated as it got.

AOL sent my parents a month’s worth of internet access, or 10 hours, on a floppy disc, and I had no idea how anyone would spend that much time online. Some might say it was better back then when we drank hose water and learned about government and grammar from Schoolhouse Rock, but the truth is I really like GPS – and not having to remember that it is kind to rewind.

Despite technological changes, some things are eternal whether students graduated in 1964, 1994 or 2024. For example, donning a cap and gown is the universal sign that people should feel welcome to impart a few words of wisdom or sage advice to graduates, even if it’s only one word: plastics.

However, I acknowledge that most teenagers are no more likely to listen to my Gen X advice any more than I was to listen to Boomers’ advice 30 years ago. Nonetheless, please indulge me as I join those giving unsolicited counsel to the newly be-tasseled.

People will tell you that this is the best time of your life, but those people are idiots. The truth is that being young is awful. It is confusing and overwhelming. Everything is happening simultaneously lightning-fast and excruciatingly slow. You are technically an adult, but you are new at it and probably don’t know what you are doing.

Older folks will wax on about the glory days of their youth, but rest assured that this is because the human brain tends to edit out the awful while holding onto the good. All this is to say, if it feels like you have no idea what you’re doing, don’t worry; it’s normal. Older generations may not admit it, but we felt the same way.

Speaking of us older folks, I should let you in on a badly kept secret: Your generation annoys us. You use words we don’t understand, do things differently than we would and dress in clothes that baffle us.

Please don’t take this personally. Every generation was annoyed by younger generations. The year I graduated from high school, Newsweek wrote, “Gen X does seem to be a pesky, contradictory bunch.”

That same year, a writer with the New York Times sought insight on Gen X by reaching out to his much younger sister-in-law, writing, “I know that Phoebe is a card-carrying slacker because she drinks Snapple, shops at the Gap, and has had her attention span shortened by watching ‘Melrose Place’ and MTV.”

I assure you that someday, you will be just as annoyed by the antics of Gen Alpha and presumably Gen Beta, which is not a bad thing. The younger generations’ push of exuberance balances the inertia of their elders. That push and pull drives the pistons that keep the human race evolving. So, until we find a better way of doing things, America runs on generational annoyance. Again, we should try not to take it personally.

Douglas Coupland, who coined the term Generation X, wrote, “Years go by faster than they used to, I’m sure of it… Nothing very very good and nothing very very bad ever lasts for very, very long.”

Your now is not your forever, but your forever will be made up of a series of nows. Don’t rush it. Better put by the Gen X sage Ferris Bueller: “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

Now, because advice for graduates would only be complete with well-placed platitudes, I shall share some with you:

• There is no “but” after “I’m sorry.”
• Indecision is its own form of momentum.
• No matter how far down the wrong path you’ve traveled, it is never too late to turn back.
• Always return your shopping cart.
• People lie; dogs don’t.
• It’s not about the money, but it’s a little about the money.
• Call your parents; they miss you.
• If all your friends agree with you, get more friends.
• People lash out when they’re scared.
• “Yes” and “No” are complete sentences.
• Don't eat anything that claims to have meat and costs less than a dollar.
• Give yourself pep talks, and believe what you tell yourself.
• Cashiers don’t care what you are buying.
• If it brings you joy, do it. If it brings someone else joy, don’t ruin it.
• Being kind is not the same as being nice. Be kind.
• Congratulations to the class of 2024! I look forward to reading your advice to the class of 2054. I hope that your next 30 years are incredible.

Kristina Nohe is a political activist, adoption advocate and homeschooling mom who is proud to be from Prince William County.